Performance Academy Spring Skit
Alec: What up, yo? School is da bomb today! You should see my new chrome notebook. Nuttin’ like takin some notes in my dope book. I can’t wait for recess. Gotta throw that ball and make some scores. Football is bad.
Kenzie: I don’t think it’s so bad, or “good” as you’re insinuating even though you’re speaking a language that is more similar to the Urban Dictionary than the Oxford English version we speak here. We’re in history now, which is one of my favorite subjects. Actually, they all are. I love books and love school, but when you’re ranked at a college reading level you can see how I would enjoy it. What was the snake’s favorite subject?
Alec: A snake? Yo, you talkin’ to me?
Kenzie: Hissss-tory! The snake likes it too. Hahaha!!! (Nerdy laugh, including snort)
(Everyone laughs)
Alec: Girl, you ain’t too bad. Got me bustin’ at my sides. Here one for you:
Math has always been my favorite, don’t cha know,
Roundin’ numbers and multiplyin’ them to and fro,
Makin’ sense, those numbers runnin through my head,
Keepin’ me up at night, with the things my teacher said.
Kenzie, I’ve got one for you: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Kenzie: Hmm, if this is even something that makes sense....
Alec: Because 7 ate 9! Hahah!!!! Gotcha! Love the show, don’t cha know.
(Everyone laughs)
Bella: Alec, you’re so funny and Kenzie, you’re so smart. I’m SO glad you’re in my class. It’s so nice to get to know you both. I’m so happy today. The teacher’s gone, but we should stay in our chairs and do what she wants us to do! (everyone stands up and starts acting wild) You guys are so funny!
Alec: Turn dat music up!
STEREO HEARTS
Bella: Sami, did you get your report on George Washington finished?
Sami: No, are you kidding me? These teachers don’t think we have anything better to do. They just pile on the work like we don’t have a life. It drives me crazy! Like, I am SO busy and, what, do they think we just want to do homework all day and night? Oh my heavens... so to answer your question, no last night I couldn’t get the computer to work and even if I do it’s so ridiculous. My mom will just talk to the principal and I’ll get out of it.
Bella: Your mom is so nice. I’ll bet you just LOVE her! Yes, the teachers do give us a lot of work, but I really like it. They make it fun. Sami, I have a joke for you: why did the computer go to the doctors?
Sami: (shrugs) I don’t know and I don’t really care.
Bella: You’re so funny... It had a virus! Get it, the computer went to the doctor because it had a virus. You’ve got to love that. I just love that joke!
(Everyone laughs)
Sami: Hahaha!!! Okay, that’s a little funny... just a little. I laughed... like once. Bella, I’ve got a joke for you that’s actually funny: Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Bella: A chicken joke? Oh, I LOVE chicken jokes. Let me see... why DIDN’T the chicken cross the road... hmm... I’m not sure... because he wanted to get to the other side?
Sami: No, as if!... Because he was a chicken, duh! Hahah!! Now that’s a real joke.
(Everyone laughs)
Sami: Alec, is the teacher coming? Alec? (Alec looks, shakes his head then walks off)... Alec? He’s SO RUDE.
DON’T WALK AWAY
Elleah: Alec, that wasn’t very nice. (Talking fast) Annabell was talking to you.... and I’m talking to mirrors inside my head. I’m C-R-A-Z-Y but who isn’t these days... B-O-R-E-D I am. Yes, sir-eee. Did anyone see Idol last night?
Alec: Wha? What planet are you on girl? Wasn’t tryin’ to dis her. thought I saw the “teach” and was makin sure so we don’t end up in detention.
Elleah: Riiiiight. I’m sure you could tell us all about detention. Hahah!!! (laughs hysterically) Then whispers...BIGFOOT. Did you hear they spotted him? Seriously! The sasquatch himself. In the mountains. I watched a show last night. A lot of people have seen him. They have proof!
Alec: Bigfoot? Seriously, girl, what are you sayin’?
I don’t understand what you sayin’
And I think I’m okay wi dat
Talkin all this crazy talk
You’re like a crazy lady with her cat
Elleah my wack friend, what did the ground say to the earthquake? - I just hear this today. (smiles beaming)
Elleah: Grounds don’t talk, but if they did they could definitely tell us about Bigfoot, and aliens, and...
Alec: The ground said: You crack me up! But you ain’t crackin me up now, you weirdin’ me out.
(Everyone laughs)
Elleah: Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s real. Heck, Elvis is still alive and there’s so much more the government doesn’t want us to know. WHY ARE WE SO SKEPTICAL? (yelling) Alec, why do birds fly south in the winter (if they really do)?
Alec: Wait! Gonna get it. Don’t tell me.... I know dis, I know dis one. I read this on a Laffy Taffy just yesterday....because it's too far to walk! Hahaha!!!
Elleah: Haha!!! Yeah, that would be far. Like a mass migration. I wonder if we walked far enough, would we see dinosaurs?!
(Everyone looks like she’s CRAZY)
BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN
Kenzie: Sami, did you come up with that outfit? I like it! You’re so original. I just had to tape my glasses because they broke, but I wish I was a little more brave. All I usually wear is plain, trying to make a good impression for my teachers. It’s so important to dress for success. I don’t know if it’s been the only reason I’ve been so successful and have turned out so smart, but I’m sure it helps.
Sami: Thanks Kenzie. You too. I love your... the way you always look so... professional. You are SO SMART. You’ll probably be valedictorian and go to like Harvard or Yale. I wish I was as smart as you.
Kenzie: I’ve got to get ready for college. I’ve already been working on my SAT’s and can score an almost perfect score in the practice round, even though I’m only in 5th grade. It helps that I spend over an hour reading and studying each night and I just finished reading the whole set of encyclopedias.
Sami: What are SAT’s?
Kenzie: (sighs and shakes her head) Oh dear.... Don’t worry about it. Sami, what do you call a deer without any eyes?
Sami: Oh, I wouldn’t know the technical name of it. Let’s see... eyes are oculus in latin....
Kenzie: No eye deer! Hahaha!!! If there was a name for it, I’D KNOW. It was a joke, Sami.
(Everyone laughs)
Sami: Kenzie, you made a joke! Smart and funny too. Wow, you’re amazing. I’ve got one for you, but it probably won’t be as good. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Kenzie: The nose has an average length from top to bottom of 5.1 cm, so I would hypothesize that there’s no possible way the cartilage could....
Sami: (cutting her off) Kenzie, I don’t even know what you’re saying! It’s because then it would be a foot.
Kenzie: Oh yes, a foot. Of course. Haha!!! Not bad, Sami. I got it right off. Did anyone else get it?
(Hahaha!!!)
DANCING CRAZY
Elleah: Bella, how is your dance going? Have you had any more competitions?! What if you could dance on a cloud? Clouds are so fluffy and white.... like a cotton ball.
Bella: Yes, thanks for asking Elleah. We’ve had a lot of performances. Would you like to come sometime? I’d love to have you watch. Isn’t this fun today? We can sit and talk and laugh. I was trying to think of a joke and this is the only one I could think of: Elleah, what do lawyers wear to court?
Elleah: I.... Hope.... clothes....
Annabell: Lawsuits!
(Hahaha!!!)
Elleah: That’s so funny. (yelling) WELL I GUESS IT WOULDN’T BE IF YOU WERE THE ONE BEING SUED. (sweetly) That’s great you’re dancing that much. (dreaming) I want to be a lead singer in a band... Speaking of court... What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
Bella: Pee-yew? That’s what I would say. (smiling)
Elleah: Odor in the court! (laughs hysterically, then cries she’s laughing so hard)
(Hahahah!!!)
Bella: If I smelled anything that strong, I would pass out.... I mean I think I would. I’m sure skunks are really nice animals though. I like they’re black and white colors.
Sami: Speaking of passing out...
IF I DIE YOUNG
Alec: Yo, everyone... what dog keeps the best time?
Everyone else: A watch dog!
Kenzie: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
Alec: The word smiles because there is a mile between each s’s.
Bella: What's the difference between a banjo and a fish?
Everyone else: You can tuna fish.
Sami: What breaks when you say it?
(Pause)
Elleah: Silence!
Elleah: Knock Knock.
Everyone else: Who’s there?
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